Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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