I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
