Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
