is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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