Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
