Can i not drive my cunt home
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't deserve a penis
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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