just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
