Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not ubering you a puppy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
