don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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