Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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