My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
