I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
