Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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