im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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