I accidentally had phone sex last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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