i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
