His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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