Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
