I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
