She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
