I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
