I puked a lego.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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