i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize