3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
