Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
