i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
