Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
