Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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