Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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