Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
