oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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