We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
