the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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