Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
