Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
