I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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