I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
