ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
