I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
