my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
