So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
