tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize