lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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