they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
