so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
