Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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