it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
