Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
