If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
