before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
