I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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