i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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