It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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