If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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