You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
