Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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