The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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