false alarm. still invincible.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
