i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
