I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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