Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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