this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
