Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
