it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
