cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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