i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
