So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
