just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
