I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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