we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
