Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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