Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
