Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
