i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
