you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
