I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
